Words: 2 ‘musts’ that kill you slowly but surely

You might not realize it, but often when you do, it is too late. Often, in songs, writing and many other forms of works, it is mentioned that words form ideas form thoughts form actions forms habits forms behaviours. Looking back, I had encouraged many negative behaviours via rationalization and I am sure many of you can identify with this. So here’s a list of 3 things you say that can kill you slowly.

Nobody Loves Me.

1. I must …..

  • do well so that others will respect me
  • make people like me

…. If not, I am a failure.

Most people would not like to admit this, but many a time, especially in our urbanized and connected society, people do try to find where they “fit in” and they sometimes prioritize the approval of others. No one wants to feel left out. If they feel that they are not being appreciated by some people, people who probably do not even matter in their lives, and they are governed by kakorrhaphiophobia – The fear of failure. They do not really fear failure, they fear the perceived consequence of failure, that they would not “fit in”. Think about it. We get segregated since primary school, EM1, EM2, EM3, then Normal Tech, Normal Acad, Express, Special. When you hear of your friends whom are from rich families going to Yale, Stamford, the works. It makes you feel inadequate, insecure. 

I am not arguing that the segregation should be removed, it is not the cause of evil, segregation is important so that the learning potentials of students can be met realistically.

Do stop and think for a moment though. Imagine, that you failed your tests badly, you might have to repeat the year. What is the first thought that comes to mind? What will my friends and parents say? people are going to think I am a stupid loser a good for nothing! Although, I would like to challenge that statement. There will be undoubtedly some who will call you a stupid loser. Do they really matter to you? Think for a moment. You made a mistake, there is no point in practicing extreme, even polarized thinking and use that as a bench mark, Is there?

2. He/She Must…….

  • treat me the way I want
  • be fair to me! treating me in a biased manner!

….. or I will punish him/her because they deserve it

Blind justice, what i mean by this is that, people tend to make assumptions about how other people are supposed to act. They feel the need for people to treat them well, because that is how the world should be. These assumptions are not only misleading, but often destructive. These assumptions can cause fights, bottled up anger, it could even cause you to leave your job. 

Think about it, sometimes you cannot please everyone, some people would act a certain way towards you. In the highly connected world we are in, there are so many interactions that for sure, sometimes people will treat you a certain way. Also, the idea of the ‘broken finger’. If you touch one object and your finger hurts, maybe the object is sharp, but if you touch everything and your finger hurts, maybe it is your finger that is broken. Evaluate peoples responses towards you, but always know your worth. Be assertive, not aggressive.

 

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