2cents Worth On Relationships

Since Valentines Day is coming up, here is something for you guys and gals to think about.
Imagine this situation, it is regardless of whether you are a girl or a guy.

After many years of being in the relationship the guy gets “lazy” (of course this is in the eyes of the girl)
and he comes home, sits in front of the television and watches the television, not bothering to ask the girl how was her day and not bothering with romancing her. He even has the audacity to forget certain special occasions! OH The HORROR! and in general, he has become unromantic or less romantic than when they were dating.
This is almost to a point of being Mundane and Droning.

Before I start, I would like the readers to know that I am open to your opinions or critiques as I do not think that this situation would apply to everyone. There are too many variables and factors that would lead to a situation like this, but i would like to bring up a factor that is not often raised.

Everyone has emotions, however from an early age, girls have more developed brains and tend to emote better than their male counterparts. They also tend to emote better and display a wider range of emotions, be it in the negative or positive range of emotions. Girls are also often primed, perhaps by their parents, peers, seniors and even the media to appreciate grand gestures of love. The gestures in the movies where a guy sends Nine-Hundred and Nine Flowers to a girl that obviously despises him and he wins her over, the guy who runs after the car as the girl is crying and driving off, the guy who….. You get the point. Girls may not always admit this, but they are often sub-consciously craving for that grand gesture of love from a guy. A little part of them wishes for that grand gesture. However in everyday life these gestures are difficult to come by but when something that grand is done, the gestures get posted online, by word of mouth, sometimes even reaching the conventional media.

She tells him to go away but he persists even against the odds.

This obviously spills into their relationship, and they often forget the little things that their boyfriends/husbands might do for them that is kind and loving. Perhaps maybe when the girl is being cranky (PMS?), or gets hungry in the middle of the night and the guy shows patience when dealing with her crankiness, buys or cooks her a meal in the middle of the night even when he’s tired out from a day of school or work. Often to most people, regardless of gender in general, they think “Patience? That is expected of you, what kind of c*nt are you to expect me to give you recognition or appreciation for your bloody patience?”. The girl might momentarily appreciate the warm food, but she will forget the opportunity cost, that the guy has to forgo his sleep. This is so because it will be considered, “It’s just a small sacrifice that I’ve asked from him, and it is expected that he does it because he lubb me”. She might thank him but there is this feeling the vibe, I mean guys, I do not quite know if you feel this way sometimes, that she sort of expects it from you and that thank you is like a routine like an action and re-action. 

When the next argument arrives, sometimes mere seconds after he passes her the food cause maybe he forgot that she does not like vegetables, her crankiness takes over and she immediately throws all her emotions at him, expecting the guy to show patience to her because she’s “pms-ing”. The guy might then show patience, maybe once, twice, three times, and he realizes that “Shake it once thats fine, shake it twice its okay, Shake it three times, you’re playing with yourself” I mean not that he realizes that he is playing with himself but he starts to think, “Why am I doing all this when she does not even appreciate it?”, the seed is planted. Humans need gratification or appreciation, and with this, the guy feels dejected and jaded and this leads him to eventually stop trying. 

Imagine you are a worker and your boss, does not pay you your wage
and you have to work knowing that you might never get paid.
you would quit the job.

The girl then sees this as complacence and she gets dejected and jaded with the guy. This then goes on and on until everything goes to s*it. The girl might leave for thinking that “that lazy ass should be sorry” or the guy might leave as he feels jaded and worn out from the feeling that he is not appreciated by his significant other.

The grass is not greener on the other side.

All this,started by something that, a few years down the road, the guy and girl would not even remember, and it is because of the compounded actions and re-actions, that eventually caused the situation to be blown to epic proportions.

In closing, I would like to humbly say with a pretty P-please, girls show more appreciation for your man, even if it is a small gesture that he is showing and never forget that even the small things are also important, and guys, every time you feel like giving up, remember the reason why you held on for so long.


P.S: This is a little anecdote I found on Facebook related to my post 😉
My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.
Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.
I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.
One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.
“Why?” he asked, shocked. “I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!” I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:” What can I do to change your mind?”
Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : “Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?” He said :” I will give you your answer tomorrow….” My hopes just sank by listening to his response.
I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes…. My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further..” This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.
“When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.
You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand… and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face… Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. ”
My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting… and as I continue on reading… “Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk… I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread….
Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone…
MORAL LESSON: That’s life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.
Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… and that’s our life… Love, not words win arguments.

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